Dear Suburban White Folks: Get Loud In Your Spaces. Now.

Election day was yesterday, and I woke up this morning to a barrage of messages and posts about the disappointing outcome of several prominent elections nationwide. Far-right scare tactics and a general sense of apathy are sweeping the nation, and my progressive suburban white folks are ticked off about it.
“Nebraska is next!” they shout. And they’re right.

But while white folks in the ‘burbs are largely quite adept at identifying our demographic as a problem for progressive politics, HOLY SHIZZBALLS does it amaze me just how bad we are as a whole at doing something about it.

Suburban Culture 

White suburbanites keep winning elections for the GOP because the GOP is what protects suburban culture. White supremacy, human supremacy, materialism, classism, Christian nationalism, and conformity are the roots of an enormous tingly tangly mess of philosophies that have combined to create the modern suburban landscape. The problem isn’t that progressive suburbanites aren’t correctly identifying this history.
It’s that they’re trying to simultaneously protect suburban culture, without protecting any of the foundational principles of it.

This is not possible.

Before you go telling me that you don’t protect suburban culture, hear me out. Protecting suburban culture can come in many forms, and if you as a white person have existed in a suburban space, you’ve almost certainly done at least one of these.

• If you moved away from the suburbs to go somewhere more progressive, you have supported suburban culture by reinforcing the idea that folks who don’t like it should just leave.
• If you live in the suburbs but you refrain from displaying progressive signage due solely to fear of repercussion from your neighbors, you have supported suburban culture by knowingly allowing conservatism to dominate the landscape.
• If you spend more time and money making sure your home meets traditional suburban aestethic, rather than the needs of the ecological and communal landscape you exist in, you have supported suburban culture by centering white human supremacy.
• If you refuse to engage in challenging conversations with your family and neighbors because confrontation makes you uncomfortable, you have supported suburban culture by forcing minority groups to continue to spend their time and emotional labor to educate the folks in your life.

This list is not exhaustive, by any means, but I hope this complicated picture is becoming clearer to you. If you exist in a suburban space and are not actively trying to change the whole damn landscape of your own suburb, you are not effectively combating suburban culture, but rather reinforcing it.

This is why silence is violence.

No amount of social media posting, shopping local, or attending protests can replace the work that needs to be done within these neighborhoods by the people who are from them or currently living in them. Far-right conservatism wins at the polls because the candidates don’t actually need to outnumber any other group. Time and again, the ‘burbs save the GOP day because 8 whackos in a neighborhood of 592 houses rule the whole damn place and have everyone else either leaving or complying with their segregationist demands.

This leaves entire counties and districts under GOP rule to gerrymander and suppress votes to their heart’s desire. It’s a vicious cycle, and until suburban white folks fess up to their complicity in it, it will not change.

So, my dear fellow suburban white people. I need you to do something.

Please. Stop. Letting. Them. Rule. These. Places.

If you know anything about our family, you know how we’ve chosen to push buttons in our place. You know that our neighbors are stepping up to do it too, and I hope it gives you a tiny sliver of hope that you can do something similar in your space as well. If you’re stuck on where to start, that’s okay. It takes a lot of work and soul searching to come to terms with how each of us is complicit in complex systems that have been around seemingly forever. Together, we can change these systems, and today is a great day for a first step.

Stop looking for heroes.

Phrases like “My state needs Stacey Abrams to come here next!” or “If only Bernie would have won the primary,” drive me bonkers. Stacey Abrams is a legend, but she became a legend by striving to make change in her space. Bernie is cool beans, but he didn’t win, and even if he had that wouldn’t have been a magical solution to all woes. Too often, folks are so often looking for the next hero, that they forget to just act toward the goals they want to see. Politicians and activists are important, but the truly great ones typically emphasize the power of people being good people. Just be the good people, ya’ll.

Talk. To. Your. People.

Yes, I do mean fellow suburban white folks. We all have a creepy uncle, a racist stepdad, or a classist neighbor. These people in our lives and spaces drive us bonkers with their ultra-conservative craptastic beliefs. Speak out against them to their faces. Enough of the, “We just don’t talk politics,” or “I didn’t want to start a fight at Thanksgiving.”

Start a flipping flapping fight! Those people need to hear someone fight them on their shit. More often than not, they become the way they are simply because no one ever fought their logic. You must make it known to them that their nonsense is not the majority, and you will not tolerate it in your presence.

Yes, this might mean some folks distance themselves from you. That is what it is. You have to decide – does your patience and tolerance for bad people outweigh your desire for change? Even unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance, and it is your job to speak out.

Talk to these suburban white folks some more.

You’re not going to change anyone’s mind after one conversation. Or two, or probably three. But your willingness to stand by your beliefs, continue trying to educate your peers, and live your values out loud even when no one is listening proves that there’s something to what you’re saying.

Conservative passions and rallying cries are surface level. They’re easy to slap on a bumper sticker, get all pissed about for a few weeks, then give up on when they’re out of the news. Point that out to your people, and keep at the tough conversations, particularly when they’re not the latest greatest thing they’re bent out of shape about.

Live authentically in your space.

Suburban culture is built on conformity. Our houses, our lawns, our gardens, our cars, our signs, our kids…..everything must conform, or people will talk. If you can get past the discomfort you feel at being talked about, you can create a lot of change simply by signaling to folks that they do not have to conform.

Our house is obviously a bit much for most folks, but the simple act of existing legally but differently than most people around us has encouraged plenty of folks around us to start thinking outside of suburban norms. So many folks simply didn’t know that what we’ve done is allowed. Welp. It is.

Consider where your presence is most effective. This is geared toward you folks that grew up in the ‘burbs and ran screaming the other way when you turned 18. Your voices and experiences can be powerful, here. No one really speaks out against suburban culture in the suburbs. They ignore it, they talk about it in the privacy of their houses, or they leave.

Although it is certainly easier to park it in the progressive neighborhoods, I encourage you to at least think about how you can create change in the space you came from. Suburbanites are complicated people! There are a lot of nuanced norms in how people speak and interact with each other here, and if you have the skill to engage with that, then it truly is your responsibility to do so.

I’m speaking particularly to white, cis-het folks, as I certainly do understand the safety hazards and other negative impacts that could arise for other demographics.

Ask yourself – Am I introverted, or am I conditioned?

I know a lot of introverts. I also know a lot of extroverts who are simply conditioned into silencing who they are because they’ve been convinced that they have to play the game. You do not have to be “nice.”

I’m not advocating cruelty or violence, but I am advocating for a society where many people with many different experiences and perspectives can work to understand and tolerate each other, even if their interests are seemingly at odds with one another. Too many people get squashed by human systems of oppression, then realize they wasted their lives trying to fit in, rather than speak out. Think long and hard about your passions and desires, then use them to work toward change in your space. 

Keep doing the easy things too!

Here’s a quick reminder that local, progressive, women and Black-owned shopping is good! Pride flags and BLM signs are great! Attending protests and rallies is wonderful!

But those things have to work in harmony with the other actions we take. It is not enough to “protest” systems of oppression, then return home to still live and benefit within them. The suburbs aren’t a problem we can all just leave and it’ll change from the outside.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

You will become uncomfortable in many ways in any journey toward growth and change. You will be challenged by your neighbors. You might be harassed by strangers. You may even be mocked by other progressives who believe you’re wasting your time, or are nothing but a virtue-signaling dweeb.

You can learn from all of these people. Particularly, be receptive to minority groups who remind you not to center your own needs and culture in every conversation. Inclusion has long meant, “Let the other cultures join in my white suburban culture,” which is in no way what we’re going for. You can utilize your ability to center white suburban culture for the purposes of conversations with folks who won’t listen otherwise, but that isn’t the end goal.

Throw ALL the pennies at the problems.

Last, but certainly not least, you need to invest in the changes you want to see in these places. Put your money where your mouth is. Invest in businesses that challenge the status quo. Don’t be afraid to buy all the progressive signage for your house (from the progressive companies and artists that created them!).

Plant native plants and vegetable gardens, and explain why you’re doing it to folks that pass by. Donate to activists and content creators that are doing the work to bring attention to issues that are important to you. (Shameless plug, you can yeet us some coffee dollars here.) Climate Justice is social justice, and if we are to save this planet, we need to utilize every square inch of space, and every last penny we have to support causes that hammer that point home. Any person with the privilege of sound financial circumstances needs to stretch beyond “financial responsibility” toward “social responsibility.”

People are more important than portfolios.